one fine morning..

Sitting at my window pane with the rains gently kissing the earth and the clouds singing a love song, while the grasshopper and the birds trying to resonate with their voices, I sip in my morning tea and feel the drops, forcing in my window, on my face.
The touch of the cold droplets, refreshing my soul and conquering my thoughts drive me to a land beautiful far away, where I see you standing and smiling at me. I am in your favourite red dress; u always admired me in, and you as usual in your black tee, which you must not have separated from yourself since last three days at min!
You held me in your arms and then we walked hands in hand as we always did on rainy mornings. U looked stunningly different, pale white and your touch was strangely cold. You looked at me as I was your most precious asset in the whole world and the pain in your eyes poured down from the skies. You did not say a word to me that day and it was the silence that was filling my heart. You hold my hand and kiss my wrist, and then you cry. I don’t understand why you behaved this way, and then you hugged me hard, kissed my forehead and my lips, then whispered in my ears, love our love is immortal and then you kissed my eyes! Suddenly clouds grew darker and the thunders became louder, the lightning struck and burned me, but you still hugged me and soon we were through…and landed in a sunny beautiful day! I was still in your arms, you were smiling at me and I at you. We walked unending miles when suddenly we reached back to my room where I sipped my last tea. There was blood everywhere, flowing copiously from my wrists and my body laid in the floor, cold dead and alone.
I looked at you and suddenly we reached a highway where your car had crashed into a truck and your body thrown at the corner with thousands wounds and blood. We hold each other again and cry, don’t know those were happy tears or sad, but today I smile, I smile with you in the sunny days of immortality!

"People pray to marry the person they love...

but i pray to love the person i marry!"

The world came to a standstill all of a sudden when i was confronted with a simple question..."what is your dream man like??"

the question entangled me in the webs of my hearts deepest secrets n unfolded emotions...there was suddenly a choke in my lungs that made me feel the distance my heart had made with me! The sudden black out compelled me to turn the torch on!

"my dream man"..."the man of my dreams"

ahhh..he has always been there in my heart since ages..i dun know how he looks but for me he will be the best looking man in this whole world..i dun know how will he make love to me.but i know how truly sincerely and deeply i will love him..i dun know whether his love will be immortal for me but i know that i will immortalize his eyes ,smile, blood and every part in a pure soul..

there's no answer to what my dream man is like but yeah i have an answer to what i will be to my man!

hahahaha.....

an unaccomplished love...

holding the paint brush after 8 yrs..was like to b suddenly in the arms of my love after a seperation of 8 yrs !!

so much was i into it..right frm the day i learnt the art of gripping things..to hold things..initially scribbling the walls wid my moms lipstick shades and then wid sketch pens and crayons..after a lot of pursuance i moved to paper..though walls fascinate me till date!

with the brush in my hand i reached the world nver known ..the most beauty of all..wild imaginations with flamboyant colours did their walk on the paper one by one..

I never learnt how to draw ... nvr took classes or training sessions..it was all within..and deeply was i in love wid it! drawing painting were the staple routines whereas...studying ..reading riding were my hobbies..but as i grew up..life's rush took charge of my ..dreams slowly but steadily got buried under reality..i was scolded ..moulded ..thrashed and sometimes wid love made to realize..fairytales are just stories..painting and drawing are just waste of time!

class 5 made it rare..and by the time i was in class 8..it was a forgotten past..

but somewhere down in my heart..a heartbeat still reminded me of the freedom ...the joy ..the ecstacy ..the zeal i experienced in the company of colours..

8 yrs down the lane when i saw the brush laying on the floor and the colours all scattered..without a thought..without a reason..without anything i found myself all engrossed again!

the outcome had surely detoriated with time..hands werent as confident nor was it as easy to open the doors of my imagination as it initially was ..but love was intense and it drove me through..and ended all the yrs of aggression into a smile and satisfaction ... wid a childs caprice ..i laughed loud..a thing long time undone..and i said to myself

"I BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!"

standing still

Am standing on the threshold of life..clueless about mah next step...suddenly everything has freezed n the enviornment is all numb..schooling is done..+2 over and so has my college.

Am a graduate..but now wat next?21 yrs of rush has all come to a sudden standstill.

UNCERTAINTY is the threat lingering in my heart..

was dropping this yr a wise decision to make..will i be able to compete nxt yr..am i walking forward or sinking down in the hourglass of quicksand?

ahh...

pain strucks and victimizes me with consequences of insecurity..blurr vision..and a brutal selfdefeat!

"lost" is the state i have always been phobic to ...but today i feel the thrust on mah head pushing me into the black hole...

its a sharp edge i need to set my flight from or i will fall into the bin of common crowd..

wings are wide open..but UNCERTAINTY still lingers!

[:(]

memories down the lane!

Looking back at the eleven glorious years spent in LORETO , a wave of nostalgia sweeps through me..

a vivid mosaic and invitingly compells me to sail through time and relive those splendid moments of innocense .

i still remember the day when i first stepped into the school premises. My small self being clad in blue and beige took in the sprawling grounds, grassy play grounds, huge gardens, gigantic trees and school building abounding in memories , which for years had stood as a silent witness to the generations come and gone..

I was lead away by a pair of gentle and loving hands into a new world - a world of joy , companionship and intimacy- the primary school

Having thus embarked on the journey of enlightment, many milestones were crossed and i reached juniou school with an atmosphere of harmony, amity, togetherness, warmth and childish ecstacy. Along with academics there were trillions of other co- curricular activities which were organised with much enthusiasm and good spirits.

Then came senior school with its maturity, solemnity and responsibilities where i came face to face with reality - the hardships, rigours and hurdles of life, It taught me to face adverse situations bravely. the values instilled in me by this school will remain with me always...

it has succeeded in preparing me spiritually, intellectually, morally and socially for my life in the world today.

I will never forget the wonderfulk people who have moulded me into what am today. I am ever grateful and thankful to them.

today , when i pass by my school - a heaven which beholds memories in every nook n corner the verses of the LORETO CHOROUS resounds in my ears..

" ....And when our school days ended are

And varied paths divide..

O may the ideals of our youth still ever be our guide..

High ideals of purity of duty and of truth ..

Learnt while we bore Loreto's flag ..

In the sunny days of youth"

i fervently pray to God to bless my school and all the people associated with it for achieving its noble goals and for your greater glory!

VIVE LA LORETO!

IS THIS LOVE??

I beholded his love in my heart..i knew it will there forever last...

i loved him so much..i felt so deep for him..

though he left me broken ..he left me alone ..he subsided my dreams..

tears were a token of his love ..the pain prooved his presence..

BUT

now my heart breathes ..and breathes with a joy though familiar yet new and fresh!

you walked into my life and changed its face..

tears are now smiles ur thought bestows..

We have not met each other but still i feel the silence speak between us..

we havent felt each others touch but still my soul is so touched..

My heart does not get weary praying for you..

and my mind thinking about you...

is this love??

A hope glides in my eyes when i talk to you...

your voice eases all pain n cures all wounds..

your presence makes my life worthwhile..

you have made a dead soul alive..

is this love??

i dont have words to say what i feel for you..

but yes i wanna be all for you...

but seeing me happy..

malacious fate asked..is this a selfish desire

am i just addicted to u as one gets addicted to drugs that eases all pains but kills from inside???

or is it love???

the sweetest poison indeed!

A never-ending turmoil , unrests me often and gives me moments of paralysed intensions to end up every thing i dreamt, i hoped and desired!

The silver moon grows with the darkening night..my eyes still wide open trying to look thro' the darkness hoping the view of a lighted world with the springfields and jolly sun..

It is what of late i realised the thirst for self-realization..of being self and identifying the dream through open eyes which always resides in the closed one!

I ran about hapazardly thro' myself..a continuous conflict ..a dreadful war of shattered thoughts ..i ran.. i ran ...and i ran.. but it was when i stopped that the tired eyes visualised the beautiful world of my closed eyes luring me...in front of me.

It was me on a steep cliff ..sitting by myself all alone at the edge and smiling ...ahead was a neverending fountain n chirping birds flying fearlessly with beauty and grace!

This is what i want from life..the smile ..yes the smile that curved strangely yet with all simplicity ...

It was a selfless smile and the very moment i saw it i realised..it is what i have always tried to do ...

I wat to be the independent wind..i want to reach the nuk and corner of the whole world..life giving and life saving..

blowing with grace and boldness..with beauty and thrust..toching everyone..

Touching the smiling faces and the mourning souls..share the smile and heal the pain..

I wanna be the hope for the despair..

the instument of love!

A dream i realised.. a pursuit to accomplish!!